Monday, February 02, 2009

Can We Start Over

Your life may include vices. The ones in my life are squishing my head!!
I have a paperwork problem with the college that registers nurses because they closed my file while I was fulfilling the study they required. Can't say how frustrated I am or how good it makes me feel to call them and let them know. I think I may have solve my (their) paperwork problem after yet another weekend of angst.
For years I wasn't sure if nursing was right for me. I first majored in Theatre. But as a farmgirl I was unequipped for the fast party life. Apparently it's not all about the literature of the Bard. Too bad.
So I took the less expensive, more likely to pay back route of nursing. I didn't agree with some of the things my school wanted. I didn't spend hours discussing "pantyhose and fingernails" like the majority of my classmates. I didn't feel that I fit in. I actually had an argument with an intern that just because I read Omni magazine, didn't mean I was too smart to be a nurse.
In the years when I was raising my kids and not working, I tried to change my hair and everything so people wouldn't peg me as a nurse. I had bad experiences working on Med/Surg when they closed my Pediatrics ward and didn't want to be associated with the grumpy, self-centred and shallow nurses I had been thrown in with.
It didn't work. Random people would peg me. Then for a few years I couldn't call myself a nurse because I really had no connection with the profession. I tried to study other fields: sociology, librarian. No go. Nothing else would stick. I decided to once again dedicate myself to caring for the sick.
Well, it took an inordinate amount of time to get permission to go back to school to re-enter practice. The college of registrars took their sweet time. Many phone calls. Much paperwork.
I finished just a few weeks ago. Did I get hugs and kudos? No, your file is dormant and destroyed. We never wanted you to be a nurse in the first place. There is no nursing shortage that we know of. The fact that you were offered three jobs does not legitimize your position.
So today I finally got to the phone the lady with the magic wand who had sent me another dismissing email as she was leaving for the weekend. I will jump through this hoop one more time. But I don't know how much more I can take before I just go teach ESL or something. You can bet I'll keep you posted. Can I start over??
I am so estranged with my writing that I am discouraged that I will ever find my path again. Even when I have had time and focus I haven't achieved much. I decided if I only have a little energy, opportunity and time, I will write little poems. Here is today's haiku.

Early to the dance
Slippers surrounded in snow
First green shoots of spring.

In other news we had a Guitar Hero party with the Youth Group at the church using the new giant screen. It was a hoot. We were a bit subdued because it followed a skating party, but the support from the other groups was heartwarming.
Unlike the minister sending the kids out to Sunday School in the middle of communion because she still doesn't understand that I want them to stay. I have sent a superior to talk to her about it. If not being listened to, considered or understood is part of the job, I don't want to do Sunday School. Can we start over?
Oh yah, and knitting sucks. I don't want to make the windows sweater in the huge size that would fit me. This is a big snowball of self pity, tears and snot. I will put it away until I either lose some inches or give up and want the sweater more. Could we start again please?
I have 4 other sweaters worth of fabric that will be more flattering and less angst-ridden.

Why am I so grumpy? I go to Mexico on Saturday and have already decided to knit my long-lost thistle shawl. I have found my basket purse and am preparing to lay out my long lost and almost forgotten summer clothes to see if anything at all fits. I blame the nursing college for this as well. Too much studying. I say, under the gun and all for a whole year.
Oh well, a bit of sun on my poor winter skin and some sand on my orthodic sandals should cheer me up. My only question will be pina colada or G&T?
Do you think we're crazy to leave the teenagers at home? Could I start over with them as well?

1 comment:

LNS said...

I once shouted at a registrar "Congratulations! You have managed to institutionalize incompetence!!!" and hung up. It was not one of my prouder moments, but I have better things to do than wait on hold for 45 minutes to be sent to a voicemail FOR THE WRONG PERSON. Do-overs would be nice!