Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Get Off My Needles

Finally I have two sleeves. They are the same size and are in the correct gauge. They have correct cables and correct eyelets. This is not a small undertaking. One may assume that because I have knit for many years (all my life!!!) and have made a variety of challenging (epic) projects that a sweater wouldn't set me back so hard.
This yarn jumped off the needles in strange middle bits and I totally lost the eyelets for whole sets of pattern. But I persevered, ripped back and reknit until it felt that I wasn't even going forward. Yet here I am at the other end of the sleeves.
Which means I can reknit the back that I had to rip out because the gauge morphed so badly. I keep telling myself. Pretty purple, nice purple. Let's get along.
I cast on the back and knit the seedstitch. So now I'm allow to futz about my next project.
I want to knit a scarf for a grad present and I'm reeling in choices and mistakes. He loves the Noro 2 Rib scarf I made my nephew.
I bought Handmaiden Casbah. I know, that doesn't compute. I thought of the Entrelac scarf, but it is too clowny and the colors aren't moving at the right time. I downloaded a beautiful side to side scarf that is proven in Casbah, but after I cast on 400 of the 500 stitches, I remembered how much I hate knitting those long rows. I could knit it in short rows, or knit another pattern. Oh stop the chasing!
I think I'll go get the Silk Garden and knit the thing in the Mistake Rib a la Kay. I'm hesitant because I'm not sure which colours to knit ( you never know with Noro) and I don't know what my LYS has in stock. I could buy it at the trade show on Friday, but I have a big credit at the store and his mom is coming with me to ruin the surprise.
So I'm trying to not struggle with this knitting thing. Aside from casting on another baby sweater, it all feels like homework. I have a few months so I can just relax and let the wool come to me.
How do you deal with this sort of indecision?
I'm making some big decisions in my volunteer life. Our new leader has a leadership style that absolutely makes me crazy. She is not intentionally grabbing for power by making changes at the last minute, and she has every bit of authority to make the decisions. But the method rips ownership away from the team and leaves us (me) thinking, "What is the point?"
I have already stepped down as coordinator to just a teacher ( I have a helper once in a while now) because my whole philosophy was bulldozed with no chance of stating my reasons and the process of the three years I have been developing it. I am given orders as to what I will do to enhance her vision. Even just helping in other areas is fraught with fear of last minute changes. Like lego pieces, I am part of her vision, but not part of the visioning.
Rather that stamp my feet and shout, I first asked for consideration, and now I'm just asking for space. Her way is not wrong and she is hired as leader. But as a volunteer, I can choose what team I want to work on, and it's not that one.
I'm such a stickler. Why does this matter so much to me: philosophy, group dynamics, the steps of delegation? Sometimes I wish I was just the drone that she treats me as.
Such a rant, and not about knitting. But I know you deal with groups of people, have insight into these experiences and may have the advice that will show me if I'm right or just stubborn.
I will be working soon (hopefully in a few weeks) and will have new-found purpose.

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